Cold is Already Cold

Weathermen across the nation are blustering about "Arctic Air" coming our way. And when I say "our way" I mean New England, but of course, the Midwest gets everything first. So to my Michigan com padres I say, how cold is colder than cold? Someone in the office told me it was gonna be 3 on Friday. I can't help but wonder how 3 happens. How do 3 degrees even register? I don't notice much of a difference between 32 and 0 cuz at any point in there you are in the freezer. You're ice cream. Broccoli. The unlucky chicken. So when it's 3 and it goes up to 4, do you peel off your hat, wipe your brow and say, damn, 3 was cold. I much prefer 4. I think that's why they like to bring in terms like "Arctic." It helps the measurement-challenged understand how cold it really is. It's the kind of cold that rich retired people hop on helicopters and ice-smashing barges to visit, wearing $20,000 parkas with pockets big enough for champagne bottles and caviar which they will enjoy at a bar made out of snow blocks built by the staff. The kind of cold reserved for polar bears and penguins and the very few other creatures indigenous to icebergs. It's dogsled cold. I don't really know how far south we are of the North Pole but I figured that's why we have Canada. To absorb all that Arctic Air before it gets here. So when I'm layering up on Friday with all the clothes in my closet, my leg warmers and gloves from Norway, my hot pink down coat, several knit caps, my cat as a scarf and my flask of JD, I will be cursing Canada for slacking off. I hate being cold. I doubt romanticizing it with a term like Arctic will distract me. When I was in Norway it got down to -8. At first I freaked cuz that's insane but then I remembered the European's fascination with Celsius. Trying to figure out how cold -8 C was in Fahrenheit actually warmed me up a little. I know 32F and 0C are the same thing. That's as far as I got. Then I used my guestimation skills and an exposed finger to determine -8C is about 12F. I was going to use my big toe but it was jammed into a fur-lined borrowed boot, and I would have to actually touch something with it to gauge the temperature. Not fair to my traveling companions. I will now look up the formula because I'm here to educate and like most people who play Jeopardy, I just want to know if I'm right. Okay apparently you multiply the Celsius by 9/5 and add 32. I think I was a little off. In my world, it's always 5 degrees colder. Where's my flask?